Feeling Stuck? Learn How to Win with Eight

Why life transitions require new systems, not more self-criticism

Someone once told me “Life is baseball.” But you and I know that Life has a funny way of sneaking up on us.

At least it did on me.

One day I was busy raising children, building a career, serving others, and doing all the things I thought I was supposed to do.

Then suddenly the kids were leaving home.

The chairs around my dinner table were empty.

My parents needed more of my time and attention.

My body was changing.

The roles and relationships I had navigated for decades were changing too.

It felt as though someone had quietly rearranged my life while I wasn’t looking. Someone had changed the rules of the game.

I was feeling stuck. The systems that had always worked no longer seemed to work.

And before long, I found myself asking a question many of my clients ask:

“What’s wrong with me?”

Looking back, I don’t think that was the right question.

A better question was this:

“What season am I in now?”

Why Feeling Stuck Doesn’t Mean You’re Broken

As an ADHD coach, I spend much of my time working with intelligent, capable, hardworking people who feel stuck.

Some are college students.

Some are doctoral students.

Some are professionals, entrepreneurs, and parents.

Most arrive believing they have somehow lost their edge.

They tell me things like:

• “I used to be able to keep up (by the skin of my teeth!)”
• “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
• “Everything feels harder than it used to.”
• “I’ve figured things out before.”
• “I want to be and do more without all the stress.”

The common assumption is that if something feels difficult, there must be a defect that needs fixing. (And the likely culprit is my ADHD brain!) But that’s often not what’s happening.

Life changes. And when life changes, the systems that once served us may no longer fit.

I know this because I’ve lived it myself. Let me tell you a story.

Winning With Eight: A Lesson About Life Transitions

Years ago, I was sitting in the bleachers watching my son’s little league baseball team.

There was a problem.

One player didn’t show up.

According to the rule book, our team could still take the field with eight players. Whenever the ninth man came up in the batting order, it would simply count as an automatic out.

The opposing coach was not happy.

He wanted us to take a forfeit. A forfeit meant an automatic win for his team and he could go home early for dinner.

Our coach looked over at us parents sitting in the stands, winked, and said four words I have never forgotten:

“We’ll win with eight.”

And they did.

That little team won the game with eight players.

I had no idea at the time that those four words would become the soundtrack for one of the most challenging seasons of my life.

For years, I thought success meant having all nine players on the field.

Enough time.

Enough energy.

Enough focus.

Enough memory.

Enough organization.

Enough certainty.

Enough resources.

But life has a way of handing us seasons when one of our players doesn’t show up.

Maybe your attention isn’t what it needs to be.

Maybe your working memory feels unreliable.

Maybe your energy is lower.

Maybe your children are launching into adulthood.

Maybe your parents suddenly need your care.

Maybe your body is changing.

Maybe the systems that always worked before aren’t working anymore.

What then?

Most of us focus on the missing player. We spend all our energy thinking about what we don’t have.

But that baseball coach taught me a different lesson. Here is the lesson in one sentence:

If I only have eight players today, then I play all eight players. I stop wishing for a different game and start learning how to win the game I’m actually playing.

Feeling Stuck During Midlife, Parenting, and ADHD

There was a season when I was no longer playing the same game with the same rules. I was a doctoral student, a worried parent, and a woman in midlife transition – all rolled into one exhausted woman.

I had done all the “right” things.

I was launching my children into adulthood. Empty nesting left me with a quieter house and left me second-guessing many of the parenting decisions I had made over the years.

My relationships were changing.

The roles I had navigated for decades were changing. Midlife arrived with surprises I never anticipated.

It felt as though someone had rearranged my entire kitchen while I was sleeping. I would walk into the room knowing I needed coffee but feeling as though I couldn’t find the coffee cups or even the coffee maker.

Everything felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

Then I made what many people considered a crazy decision.

I went back to school.

I began working on a doctoral degree.

Going back to school asked my brain to juggle academic demands, family demands, financial pressures, personal health concerns, and the uncertainty of building a coaching practice from the ground up.

There were days when I wondered if I had lost my mind.

There were certainly days when I wondered if I had lost my ability to think.

But looking back, I can see that nothing was wrong with me.

I wasn’t broken.

I was simply trying to navigate a new season with systems that belonged to an old one.

During that journey, I hired a coach. That decision changed everything. My coach didn’t give me a magic planner. She didn’t hand me a perfect system. What she helped me do was learn to trust my brain again. She helped me discover my many strengths. Together with my ADHD brain we built systems that matched the season I was actually living.

Learning to trust my brain again changed everything. That journey eventually inspired my framework, Love Your Brain, Tame Your Squirrels, which teaches practical ways to work with your brain instead of constantly fighting against it.

Why Life Transitions Make Us Feel Stuck

Meet TransitionTraci (but Traci is not her real name.)

By most measures, Traci is successful.

She co-owns a thriving business with her husband. Together they have raised four remarkable children. One is already launched into adulthood. Another is flourishing in graduate school.

Yet Traci found herself sitting across from me wondering why she felt so overwhelmed.

Her third child was preparing for college. What should have been an exciting transition felt more like a daily battle.

At the same time, her aging parents suddenly needed more support.

Then, almost without warning, her own body began sending messages she had never received before.

Energy shifted.

Sleep changed.

Emotions surfaced differently.

Nothing was wrong with Traci.

Some of her team had not shown up for the game.

If this season feels unfamiliar and you’re wondering why everything that used to work suddenly feels harder, you may enjoy my article on TIme for Midlife ADHD Reset, where I explore why so many capable women find themselves reevaluating their identity, priorities, and systems during midlife.

Meet Worried Parent Polly (Traci’s neighbor)

Polly is a devoted parent.

Her child is bright, creative, capable, and full of potential.

For years Polly’s role was to remind, rescue, support, encourage, and advocate.

Then college arrived.

Suddenly her role changed.

The challenge was no longer helping her child succeed.

The challenge became helping her child learn how to succeed independently.

The very instincts that made Polly a loving parent were now creating tension.

She was trying to play the game with too many players on the field.

One of the biggest challenges parents face is knowing when to step in and when to step back. I discuss this balance in greater detail in ADHD Coaching and Adult Readiness, where we explore how young adults develop independence without losing support.

This is Doctoral Dan (nice alliteration)

Dan is pursuing a doctorate.

He’s intelligent, thoughtful, and dedicated.

The kind of person others assume has it all together.

Yet every time he sits down to write, he feels stuck.

What worked in undergraduate school doesn’t work anymore.

What worked in graduate coursework doesn’t work anymore.

The demands of original research require a completely different set of skills.

Dan isn’t failing.

He’s simply facing a challenge that requires different tools than the ones that got him this far. It’s like wearing the football cleats to the baseball game.

Many bright students and doctoral candidates assume that if they are intelligent enough, they should be able to “figure it out.” Unfortunately, intelligence and executive functioning are not the same thing. You can learn more in ADHD Coaching for Graduate and Doctoral Students

The Hidden Cost of Using Old Systems

Many of us unconsciously believe that success should continue indefinitely if we simply work harder.

But every new season of life asks something different from us.

A student becomes a professional.

A parent becomes an empty nester.

A daughter becomes a caregiver.

A graduate student becomes a scholar.

A healthy adult begins navigating midlife changes.

Every transition requires adaptation.The problem is that most of us never stop long enough to redesign our systems. Instead, we keep trying to squeeze new responsibilities into old structures. Then we wonder why we’re exhausted.

Sometimes the hardest part of growth isn’t learning something new.

It’s letting go of what used to work.

Three Questions to Ask When You’re Feeling Stuck

• Instead of asking: “What’s wrong with me?”
• Try asking: “What season am I in now?”
• Then ask: “What does this season require that the previous season did not?”

Those questions shift the conversation from self-criticism to curiosity. They move us from blame to problem-solving. And they open the door to growth.

What To Do When You’re Feeling Stuck

If you’re feeling stuck right now, resist the urge to immediately assume something is wrong with you.

Instead, get curious.

Ask yourself:

• What season of life am I in today?
• What has changed in the last year?
• Which systems am I still using from a previous season?
• What expectations am I carrying that may no longer fit?
• What strengths do I already have available to me?
• If I were “winning with eight,” what would that look like?

You do not need to have all nine players on the field before you can move forward.

You do not need perfect focus.

You do not need perfect organization.

You do not need perfect energy.

You simply need to learn how to use the strengths, resources, and support available to you today.

That’s where growth begins.

Not by becoming someone else.

By becoming more fully yourself.

Your Brain Is Not Broken

Whether you’re a parent, a professional, a doctoral student, or someone navigating a major life transition, feeling stuck does not automatically mean something is wrong with you.

Sometimes it means you’re growing.

Sometimes it means life has changed.

Sometimes it means the learning to trust the players that did show up for the game. And let them play!

The goal is not to become the person you were ten years ago.

The goal is to become the person this season of life requires you to be.

And sometimes that means learning how to win with eight.

Because being stuck is not always a sign of failure.

Often, it is simply an invitation to build new systems, develop new skills, and trust yourself in a new season.

Your brain is not broken.

Your life has changed.

And you are capable of changing with it.

Sometimes a new season requires more than a new planner or productivity app. Sometimes it requires a trusted thinking partner who can help you build systems that fit the life you’re living now. Learn more about my ADHD and Executive Function Coaching Services.